oh dear.

i had planned on leaving DA once and for all this morning, but i think i might put the record straight about this whole mess once and for all tonight, seeing as your comment gives me a more than ample excuse to do just that.

thanks by the way, your attempt to twist the knife after i had allready left has backfired against you, and worked in my favour instead.

but please don't tell me that your abrasive and high and mighty attitude towards me in that recent journal of hers was due to a lack of information.

y'see she WAS romanticly interested in me, despite what you are obviously implying.

according to what she herself had told me, she was aparently in love with me over the last few months of a close and supportive friendship that had lasted for a year, my entire stay at DA infact.

we had a long running 'big brother' and 'little sister' relationship, that she, and not me, decided to take further.

i even tried to stop her at first, but in the end she got her way.

lonely people do desperate things afterall.

the point is, she chased me, and she made all the first moves.

i was not the sicko stalking her, it was the other way around.

she segested that she would be coming over to the UK to stay, not me.

she said she wanted to study over here, her idea again.

she even went as far as asking me to marry her.

bet she didn't tell you that eh?

and then a couple of days ago she noted me saying that it was over, dispite the fact that we had been talking normally the day before, and there had been nothing wrong.

i have had no explenation.

nothing.

i have been humiliated infront of my friends, and my family by someone who i concidered my best friend in the world.

someone who swore she was different, and who i cared about more deeply than anyone in the real world.

someone who's voice on the phone alone was enough to convince me to believe in her.

someone who aparently loved me enough to wait until i was ready to let me know how she felt.

and then without a word of warning she dissapears.

so now do you see why i was ever so slightly upset in that journal?

she is far from the innocent everyone seems to be obsessed with painting her, and she has hurt me far deeper than you would either realise or obviously care.

i am not the villain here, yet i have lost most of my friends here at DA over this, people who decided that i was to blame for her ending the relationship in the way that she did, or that i was wrong for losing my temper in her journal in the way i did.

as a fellow actor you should understand that if everyone wants to paint me as the villain of the piece, then i can't stop them.

shakespear's richard the 3rd for example?

or perhaps macbeth, who was driven to his evil deeds by the goading of his wife.

seems strangely apt under the circumstances.

so go on everyone, twist the knife while i am gone.

have fun.

you all seem to have forgotten the most important thing.

i know i am innocent, and in that knowledge i am free.

i am so glad to be free of this place.